he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
