you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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