i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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