oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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