Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I want is dick and wine.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
