u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
