This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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