Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
