R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your cock deserves a montage
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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