And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
