At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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