Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
