Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
