Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
