If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize