I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
