we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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