So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was born a porn star she said
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
