Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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