At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My nipple is on Facebook.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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