Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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