He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
