Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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