When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
