Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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