I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize