Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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