Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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