He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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