ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
