my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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