My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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