Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize