youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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