Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
