Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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