i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
