and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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