i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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