I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
