did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
