watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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