Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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