I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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