her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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