Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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