Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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