I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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