so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
