He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
