i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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