if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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