he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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