He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
