The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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