We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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