I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
