Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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