Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
