Your face is a jimmy john
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize