Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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