Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
